Umbria

Umbria

Did you know that the French GPS lady who lives in the dashboard of my car is fixated with putting us on dirt roads? I think she is secretly trying to punish us for being American and that whole 'freedom fries' thing.

I promised my friend, Chiara, that we would come to Umbria to see her, have lunch and see her apartment. It is her first 'adult' apartment after graduation from University in March and she was anxious to cook lunch for us and show us around a bit.

We got up early and checked on line to see how long the drive was supposed to take. The Michelin site assured us that it would be no more than an hour and a half from Castel del Bosco to Castiglione del Lago, where Chiara instructed us to wait for her at 10:30 AM. However, when we got into the car at 9 AM, the GPS lady had us arriving at 12:45. We couldn't figure out for the life of us how she could be so far off. When she instructed us to stay on the Tosca-Romagnola (the regular road, not the superstrada), it became clear. She wanted us to take all back roads, via Siena and Arezzo, to Perugia. Unbelievable. How could she be so blind? There were perfectly good, empty highways, just waiting for us. Did she not see them? Was she unaware of the Italian highway system? We ignored her advice and continued on the highway, keeping an eye on the ETA. The closer we got, in fact, the later our ETA became, and the more perplexed we grew. We were actually 20 minutes from our destination and GPS lady continued to insist that were still had an hour to drive. It was only at the exit that she conceded defeat and announced our arrival, 40 minutes ahead of her schedule.

We sat with Chiara on the shores of Lake Trasimeno, enjoying the breeze from the water and we then followed her back 20 minutes to her lovely apartment, where we partook in a very nice lunch of meatballs and panzarella. By about 3, we had to gently excuse ourselves and hit the road, otherwise, we would never make it to our next destination: Assisi.

We returned to the car and told the GPS lady where we wanted to go. She told us it would take an hour. Chiara assured us before that it was 20 minutes from her apartment to Assisi. Chiara said we should just get on the highway and follow the signs. The GPS lady told us to bypass the highway and follow some road numbered SP (STRADA PROVINCIALE= dirt road). We did not listen to GPS lady... we had places to go and things to see!

Sure enough, we made it to Assisi in 20 minutes, following the superstrada and the signs. We parked in the underground garage and made our way to the basilica of San Francesco. The place was positively crawling with Japanese tourists. We fought our way through the crowds to see the saint's tomb in the crypt. We then came back up and visited the upper church. There are wonderful frescoes by Giotto in the upper church depicting the life and death of San Francesco, which have recently been restored and unveiled. In fact, the last time I was in Assisi, many years ago, with my friend, Francesca, the frescos were covered and had reproductions over in their place. It was nice to see the church put back in order. In this way, it was truly like I was seeing it for the first time.

Having duly seen all there was to see in Assisi, Maureen and I returned to the car and entered our next destination into the GPS: Gubbio. Gubbio should have been an hour from Assisi. GPS lady informed us it would take 4 hours. At this point, we were at the end of our rope. What is the point in having GPS if you absolutely cannot follow any of the directions? We learned our lesson the hard way in Montalcino. Were we willing to take another chance? Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... We opted to follow the highway and the signs. Thanks, but no thanks, GPS lady.

In one hour flat, we were pulling up to the Roman theater in Gubbio. We had seen that it was open to the public until 7:30 PM. We had crafted the day's schedule around the fact that we had until 7:00 to get to Gubbio and snap a few quick pics of the theater. We parked and went up to the ticket desk, which was still open, manned by a rather tired and hot looking man who had been smoking cigarettes and leaving the butts in an empty water bottle on his desk. I think he was more than just an volunteer, but rather the superintendent of the site. He just seemed like he was more important than a ticket taker.

I asked for two tickets to the theater. He answered that the theater was closed for the night. I responded that we had come a great distance and that it specifically said on their web site that they were open until 7:30. I added that I was a Latin teacher from America, for good measure. He finally conceded: if we look through the museum there behind him, he would open up the theater for us. It suddenly dawned on me that this man had been smoking pack after pack of cigarettes in an archaeological museum! I was a little shocked, to say the least. But, we agreed and went into the museum. It really wasn't very large, nor very interesting, but we spent a respectable amount of time inspecting the pottery shards and mosaic pieces. When we came out, we thanked the man, who had incidentally just lit a fresh butt, and he led us to the gate of the theater. He unlocked the chain around the gate. "Close the gate behind you," was the only admonition or instruction we received. We did just that and made the circuit, snapping pictures along the way. About 15 minutes later, we exited the theater and went back to the museum to tell the man we had finished. We thanked him, but he barely looked up and grunted an 'ok.'

From there, we headed up to the top of the town of Gubbio, which sits on a very steep hill. We took the first hill at a pretty decent pace. But, I needed to take a breather for a couple seconds after. The second 'flight' went a little slower. By the time we made the third approach, I was exhausted and completely ringing wet with sweat. It was hot (did I mention that Italy is Africa-hot this year?) We took our requisite pictures of the main piazza and the lovely panoramic views, then sat for a soda and to enjoy a little breeze. My next stop was to find the 'fontana dei matti' the fountain of the madmen. Apparently, he who runs around the fountain three times and splashes himself with the water of the fountain is an official madman. I have done this before (I know this might shock some of my gentle readers...) so I am official already, but I had wanted to show this Maureen. We asked were we could find this fountain (my memory was failing me), but we were told that it was 150 meters ahead of where we were sitting. We set out down a very slight incline and came upon a fountain, but it was not anything like the one I remembered, so we kept walking. We went what must have been much more than 150 meters, but since I have no concept of metrics other than what a 2 liter Diet Coke bottle looks like, we must have over shot it. But, since we saw a sign that said "teatro romano parcheggio," and we figured that we had a long way to go before we hit the lot, we decided to just keep on our path back to the car. The crazy fountain would have to wait for another trip. But, as quickly as we found the sign, we found the parking lot. How was it possible that we went uphill all that way and descended not even one tenth of the incline and we were back to our car? It remains a mystery!

But, we did make it back to the car and we entered CASTEL DEL BOSCO into the GPS, just for fun. It was now 8PM and the GPS lady was telling us we would be home by 1AM. We were quite certain that we were really only 2 and a half hours or so from home. But, we were in no rush, and we decided to humor her. We followed her directions. We found ourselves on a one lane country road, barely paved. We followed this for what seemed like an eternity. But, eventually she brought us out to a superstrada. We took the superstrada, even against her direction. About halfway to Florence, Maureen went back and looked at the settings on the GPS. It seemed that even though we had continually reset the options to include highways, it was setting itself back to what I guess is the default: IGNORE HIGHWAYS.

Once we reset this, the whole GPS seemed to reset itself. At once, we were given instructions using the main roads. Goodbye yellow brick road, hello four lane divided highways! I all the sudden began to feel a little guilty for maligning the GPS lady. After all, she was just following the rules. And who am I to ask someone else to break the rules?